39 Things I’ve Learned In 39 Years

Photo by Joyce Adams on Unsplash

Today I turn 39. The last year of my 30’s. The passage of time is strange sometimes. In the blink of an eye a decade will pass, yet some moments seem never ending. Anyway, it’s become a birthday tradition of mine to write a list of things I’ve learned based on how many times I’ve been around the sun. So here’s this year’s:

1. The older I get, the better I know myself and the more comfortable I am telling people to fuck off.
2. Sometimes the easiest way to change your life is to help someone else.
3. Choosing what’s next doesn’t mean choosing what’s forever. It’s better to take an uncertain step forward than to stay stuck, waiting to be sure.
4. Bras are essentially boob jail.
5. It can be hard to say “‘no” because sometimes it feels like I’m letting people down but it is getting easier. My time is valuable and limited, I need to spend it on what matters most and that means getting good at saying “no” is a requirement.
6. Busy and productive are two very different things but single-tasking is my ultimate cheat code for actually getting shit done.
7. The internet has created multiple realities and it’s absolutely pointless to accuse someone of being an idiot for living in a different reality. You really want to impact another person’s beliefs? Try to understand and empathize with them first.
8. I think all work pants should be leggings.
9. Learning how to “do it scared,” rather than waiting until I’m confident and ready to do something, is one of the most valuable skills I’ve ever acquired.
10. Human beings are not logical creatures, we’re emotional creatures. How we feel is what drives our behavior and what we feel is a result of what we think. So, if you change how you think about something, you change how you feel, and you can change your reality. There is no spoon.
11. Stress management related to work is especially hard for me to practice when I’m excited about what I’m doing. Good stress is still stress and it can have a negative impact. I don’t have a profound insight about this, it’s just something I’m trying to figure out how to balance.
12. I have a creative fire inside me that I need to feed more often by making art.
13. Never under estimate the power of taking radical responsibility for your actions when they cause negative outcomes, even if they’re unintentional. If you’re 100% the cause of a problem, then you have 100% control over taking steps to fix it. People appreciate this kind of honesty more than you might realize.
14. I hate shopping. Clothing subscription services are my jam.
15. One of the most profound pieces of wisdom I‘ve heard recently is this: “You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy.” And it came from an episode of America’s Got Talent, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZJvBfoHDk0
16. It can be easy to dismiss people sometimes but I know there’s something I can learn from everyone if I allow myself to stay open and curious.
17. We need to retire the phrase, “avoid it like the plague” because it turns out people don’t do that.
18. Being a good leader is difficult but it gives me the power to help more people in more ways and I wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world.
19. Growing up, I had a lot of people tell me that I had “potential” but I would never succeed if I didn't fall in line and do what I was told. As I’ve gotten older, I find it increasingly gratifying to prove those haters wrong over and over and over again. 😎
20. I have wildly underestimated my worth for far too long.
21. Allowing myself to be seen as the weird and imperfect person that I am is both terrifying and freeing.
22. Empathy and humor are my superpowers.
23. Never accept, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” as an apology. When someone apologizes for how YOU feel, it implies that your reaction is the problem, not their behavior. If someone’s actions make you feel shitty and they’re invested in repairing the damage they’ve caused, they need to take ownership of their behavior and apologize for what THEY did, not how YOU feel about it.
24. Forgiveness is about accepting things as they are, letting go and moving on but it does NOT mean you’re giving someone permission to continue to treat you badly. You can choose to set different boundaries or let the person go but it’s up to them to do the work and earn your trust back.
25. Putting myself first doesn’t mean I’m putting others last but it would be okay if it did.
26. Home decorating is easy to overthink.
27. When making high stake decisions, the only question that matters is, “How can I act in a way that’s true to my values?” When I do this, even if the choice is hard, I know I’ve made the right decision.
28. My dad will always call a piece of technology “fascist” if he doesn’t know how to use it properly (and refuses to learn).
29. I can’t chase or recreate the past because it’s already gone. All I can do is mourn it, learn from it, and move forward.
30. The death of a pet can be just as hard as the death of a person you love.
31. Just because I can “function” with very little sleep, does not mean that I can function well.
32. Making peace with and loving my body after years of being at war with it is no easy task.
33. If you don’t sing along to “Bohemian Rhapsody” at the top of your lungs every time you hear it, you might want to question how you’re living your life.
34. While having my own business is fine, it can be lonely and limiting in terms of the positive impact I want to make. In my current role as Director of Coaching, I’ve realized I much prefer a team environment and the impact we can make together is limitless.
35. I would rather be single than settle for a relationship with someone who tries to dim my shine and is unworthy of my awesomeness.
36. I will never stop learning and growing, and I will forever be a work in progress. Most people are.
37. I will never not want my hair to be pink.
38. I re-learn this lesson every year: the only thing I truly have control over is how I react to the things that happen in my life.
39. And lastly, I don’t have a step-by-step plan for my life anymore and I doubt I ever will again. The best things I’ve experienced have been unpredictable, I couldn’t have planned them if I tried, and the things I have planned didn’t work out the way I wanted them to anyway. I have my life pointed in a general direction based on what makes me happy and I find meaningful but I don’t have anything mapped out with an end destination in mind. Instead, I trust my internal compass to guide me and try to enjoy the ride. To quote Paul Simon, “I don’t know where I’m going but I’m on my way.” Now I’ll play y’all out, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYt38d57c64